


Numb

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Creative title ಠ_ಠ, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:00:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9959108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Numb by Lincoln Park





	

**Author's Note:**

> First story   
> Hope you enjoy this pure unbeta'd trash.

**I'm tired of being what you want me to be**

Even when I was a ten, my parents had my entire life planned out. Graduation at some private school, college at the most useless yet most expensive establishment, long-hour'd job, a loveless marriage, then as one would assume, the sweet embrace of death. To them I was a prodigy, 'one in a million' they would often say. But I was just a tool created out of a loveless marriage for their own gain.

**Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface**

Then I was introduced to the feeling of freedom. As I dove into the waters below me, I dove into a feeling that unsettled me to my very core. I had never experienced comfort, but as I was embraced by everything surrounding me, I was near to tears. I would've stayed under till my lungs burst and the warmth around my body was inside, had it not been for hands pulling me into the cold again.

**I don't know what you're expecting of me**

By the time I was fifteen I no longer had parents, both dead in a country I had no knowledge of. Nor did I have a caretaker, my wizened grandmother dying before I even hit twelve years of age. My parents had always been in control, even if they were across seas, millions of miles away. So the first time I was truely free, I had never felt more trapped. They called me a genius, but my thoughts keep slipping through my hands.

**Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes**

I remember that day, that early morning waiting for a passing train. As I opened my eyes and looked, my constant numbness forgotten as I felt a heat. A crimson heat as your eyes peered aflame, vermilion fires as your hair gently flickered in the dawning breeze. Emotions burned my skin, prickling my feet with torches and pitchforks, making smoke of the air around me, choking me of any words.

**Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow**

I won an insignificant race, the only reason being of the flames fueling my seemingly frozen engine. Yet as I look apon you again, if only the reassure myself of your existance, you were gone leaving treasures of words and seas of tears. 'My fault of your sadness no doubt,' a thought that reigned my head for years to come. Had I not tried, your heat would begin to smolder you, yet it was never worth winning.

**I've become so numb, I can't feel you there**

High school came around, but my schedule hardly changed. Wake up feeling numb, then lay in boiling waters feeling nothing. Afterwards, gaining oily burns cooking something I wasn't ever going to eat never minding it, then walking to school. School was never worth trying, the teachers would look my way then never look again, giving my 'poor orphan self' perfect grades I never once earned.

**Become so tired, so much more aware**

I rarely slept at night, and the rings under my eyes seemed darker each day it would seem, but little did I care. Every time my eyes would close, even for a second of time, wine hued eyes you stare back at me. I understood alot more as the days since I had last slept grew. The wood of the desks, once a towering tree murdered for industrial use. But as I heard rumors of a swim team, everything dulled again.

**By becoming this all I want to do**

Thoughts of you returning filled my mind, and your disappointment of how little I had grown, or how softened my muscles were, or countless other abnormalities. What would change if I changed who I was, it wasn't like I would get any thinner, never consuming anything but water or the occasional soup does that to a person. Maybe I be more desirable, with strength radiating from me as I stood above everyone?

**Is be more like me and be less like you**

After signing the sheet and joining the rumored club, much to the awe and exuberance of a small orange haired boy, whom I think was on my swim team once. There was another person there, a towering brunette that stared openly at me. I faintly recognized him as my neighbor, but I didn't know much about him. I wasn't going to be like you, because it always ended up burning me.

**Can't you see that you're smothering me?**

I saw you were near but never once did the numbness leave. It was there as you emerged like a spark from the shadows, there when we stipped to our jammers with ease. It was even a stronger dull as astonishment overtook your face at the lack of definition of my body as yours proudly showed years of intense training. And it fadded to a buzzed feeling of silence as our trophy, the last thing we had together hit the ground.

Your anger was toxic and as you walked away I began to suffocate, and without realising it my feet had carried me to my house, the only thing I know will never change. Shudders racked my body as I tried to compensate what had happened, as I tried to breathe through smoke and ash.

***

**Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control**

Life went on as you continued to burn yourself away, but this time it wasn't numb. I would wake up numb, go into the bath numb. Yet, as I would sink deeper into the numbness, he would always be there to pull me up, to remind me to wear an apron so I wouldn't get burned, and to walk me to school so I wouldn't be late.

He would be there to bring me lunch, where you were known to take some of mine. He was there to stop me from pushing myself too hard, where you would be the one pushing. He would be the one to stay...where you were the one to leave.

**I've become so numb...**

No.

I no longer am numb. I no longer stay awake when I should be asleep. I no longer stare at the sun wondering if the heat would ever be the same. I didn't have a choice for a while. Every time the numbness would arrive, so would he. Would be there to wrap arms around so tightly the buzzing of nothing rested within its hive. Would be there to pull at my arm to distract me from the summer sun.

And as I stare at him now, dressed in white and teary eyed. I know little about our future. I know little about how people will react to us. And I know little about how to be a husband. But I do know one thing.

I will NEVER be numb again.


End file.
